Bet you are wondering what that word could be? Well, I won't keep you in suspense for too long.This post has been on my heart for awhile but I kept hesitating to write it. The topic is unpopular and so often misunderstood.
The word is submission-specifically in marriage and even more so as a wife in a second marriage. As a young woman I struggled with this concept. My rebellious heart just would not hear it. After all we are all equal. And I had a mind of my own and I was not letting any man tell me what I could or could not do. Submission was for the weak, right? Oh no sister, submission takes more strength than you could imagine. My first marriage was one that was unequally yoked-I'll save that lesson for another post, But let's just say submission was not happening.
The second time around, I was determined to make it work. To do better this time. Fortunately we were in the same place spiritually. Both severely backslidden but still we knew where our faith came from and where to go for answers. So I started to read, even before saying "I do". Every devotional that had love or marriage in it, I was reading it. Slowly I began to understand love the way God had intended it. Boy does the world have it all wrong! It teaches us that love is butterflies and instant happiness. And really great sex (well it does-just read a Danielle Steele book). But love in the biblical sense is so much more. Love is a choice, one that you make daily. It is sacrifice and hard work. It is staying even when you don't want to. It is always having each others back. It is a whole lot of forgiving and seeing the worst in each other but sticking it out anyways.
But I digress....back to submission. To fully understand what this means we have to go all the way back to Genesis. His original plan before the fall. First he created man. Then he created woman for man and out of him. And he says when the two are married they become one-a team that sticks together. Then came children. This was his perfect plan. The way things are suppose to happen. But he also gave us free will. So naturally being the rebellious children, we get ourselves kicked out of the garden and quickly begin to assert our will over His plan. And even if you don't believe in Him if you are really honest this is how things work best. So many of the world's problems can be traced back to the disintegration of the family unit.
So what happens to submission when that unit is broken and put back together?
That's where I come in. Second marriage, we both have kids. So how does that work? So many times I hear single moms say "Any man I date will just have to understand my kids come first?"
No dear sister, if you want it to work God will always come first. When we spend our time healing ourselves and re-establishing our relationship with our Heavenly Father, everything else will fall into place. He will send us the mate that will fulfill our hearts and step in as a father to our children. He loves us and always wants what is best for us. He will take care of us. This is hard. Sometimes the wait feels like an eternity. But never forget when the vows are said that submission will require so much more. To submit to a husband above YOUR children is tougher than I could have ever imagined. Becoming a whole family unit-yours and mine becoming ours takes time. Mamma bear is a real thing. But trust me it is worth it.
When you submit to your husband, when you allow him to do what God has called him to do-to be the head of the house, everything else falls into place. Of course this is so much easier when they are submitting to God but their refusal to submit does not give you permission to back out. Pray daily for your husband. Cover him with your love and commit to him and him alone daily. Your children will not like it at first but in the end they will gain a new sense of security that they didn't even know they needed. From a worldly point of view this may not make any sense but it works.
Now let me explain that submit does not mean to be silent or to bow down to. Submit means to acknowledge that you are a team with your husband and that he has the final say. It does not mean that you don't get a voice or that he shouldn't respect your opinion about matters. But what it does mean is that you put your trust in him to take care of and consider your needs above all, second only to God. In a second marriage it means stepping back and allowing him to be the father in your home. My children's biological father has chosen to not be a part of their lives so he is their father. Let him have a voice in all matters regarding your children. Respect his decisions when it comes to discipline and never go behind his back when it comes to this. Remember he will make mistakes but also never forget that he loves you and them and wants what's best. Always let your children see you two as a united front. When it comes to dealing with the ex this is also important. All communication with the exes should be known to the spouse. It is also important for you to let children know there are no secrets and any confidences made to you will be shared with your husband. This is hard but extremely important. Your submission to your husband comes second only to God. Your spouse should always come before your children. This is true for both of you. After all children will leave the nest eventually. Your spouse is forever-till death do you part. If you want that to be true you have to commit to it. Trust me when I say it is hard. It will go against everything you want to do at times(we are always going to have to fight that old sinful nature). It will require a level of selflessness that you never knew possible. It will require a depth of strength that sometimes takes all you have. But he is absolutely worth it and so are you.
I hope this all makes sense and if it doesn't feel free to comment and ask questions.
