Finding my way back home

So on June 30, 2012 I married my true love, my soul mate, my very best friend. Life was perfect, right? Yeah it was pretty good but something was missing. On one of our late night phone conversations before getting married we talked about our faith-or for me the lack of. He said to me "I am a Christian but I haven't been to church in a while. But I will go back eventually." I felt a tug, a longing that I did not understand at that point. But after we got married I started asking-When can we go to church? One Sunday night we went, finally. I will never forget walking in-scared and ashamed because it had been so long. I had so much baggage, pain and sin. But it truly was like coming home. Like the prodigal son fresh from the pigpen I knew I needed to be forgiven but doubted if it was even possible. I remember the pastor looking up from what he was reading (we were late of course) and saying in the kindest voice "Well hello Mike come on in". He didn't know me yet but he remembered my husband who he had help lead to Christ several years before. Afterwards so many people came and welcomed us. I felt love and acceptance that I didn't even know I needed.

From that point on we attended church pretty regularly. I remember that first Easter Sunday as a family. Buying new outfits for everyone and being so excited. It had been so long since I had celebrated this holiday. The sermon was typical-the cross, the crucifixion, and the resurrection but I heard it with new ears. As a mother, for the first time I understood God the Father in a whole new way. He gave his one and only son for me. I had turned my back, yelled and screamed and questioned. I had made so many mistakes but still he loved me. I can't even imagine sacrificing any of my precious babies for someone I loved let alone someone who hated me. But that is exactly what he did. How his heart must have ached when he had to turn his back on Jesus as he took on all my sins-the sins of the whole world. His heart was broken and yet he still did it. Tears were streaming down my face. In that moment I laid down all my baggage and cried out to him "God I don't know if I am yours but if I'm not I want to be!". And as clear as I have ever heard anything I heard him say to me "My child you have always been mine". My past flashed before my eyes and I could see how his hand was always on me even when I did not want it. Like the prodigal son, I could come back home. I was loved. His grace was and is always sufficient. Nothing I could do would make me worthy and nothing I have done will take it away from me. I had found my way back home.